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It was my first day of being 28 yesterday.  What a shitty age, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not entering my twilight years or anything, and realistically, I know it’s not old, but still, if the last 28 years have only taken this long, then at this rate soon all I’ll have to look forward is Marisota and a slack bladder.

Twitter’s not helping.  Ever since I started this blog, I’ve been trying to get ‘round Twitter and I still don’t understand it.  From what I can gather, it’s like facebook with only status updates I’m totally stumped- what the hell am I supposed to write on t

here? I have had more people follow me around the pub to tell me I’ve got loo roll

hanging from my leggings than I currently have on Twitter, and it takes me 20 minutes to decipher what people are saying.


The lack of vowels people use, owing to the character count, had me thinking for the first week that I’d stumbled upon Polish Facebook.  It’s making me feel old and out of touch.  Granted- being sat in the garden writing this with a tartan blanket over my knees isn’t helping matters, but still, I blame the technology.


Speaking of which, the laptop has 100% got Aids now.  This morning it coughed as I booted it and started making noises like Chloe Mafia’s dildo, I fear the end is near so if you don’t hear from me for a while it’s because I’m burying it (maybe I’ll ring Gary Mole.)


There’s little to report on the campaign to break him at the moment, after the awful cock-money fiasco I feel that the only way to succeed is to plan something major that he can’t ignore/rise above/turn on me.


I will keep you posted.


In the meantime, I have created what I believe to be a fool proof plan which should really hit him where it hurts- his hair.  Husband has been going bald for about 6 years now and has for a long time been shaving his head.  The introduction of Regaine onto the marketplace has offered him a glimmer of hope that he thought was long gone.  I’m pleased for him as his bald spot becomes highly reflective under the halogen spots in the kitchen.

His Regaine has been left unopened in the bathroom cabinet for the last week has he’s been too busy to commit to the routine involved.  This has worked in my favour as he doesn’t yet know what to expect from the solution.  In this time, I have transferred the follicle enhancing elixir into an old jam jar and replaced it with a mixture consisting of 60% water, 30% hair removal cream and 10% Johnsons Holiday Skin.   I’m hoping, after a twice a day application over the coming months he will be left with a dome like head that looks like one of Jordan’s tits.  I couldn’t give a shit if he doesn’t like it, I’ll give him some cock-money to buy a hat.


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